contemplating on what I am...

A part of me is watching or perceiving and the other part of me is being watched or perceived. Say A is that which is watching is consciousness, then B is that which is being watched is unconsciousness. This A and B relationship creates the world, the existence is alive as along as this duality persists.
Logically simple? Ok lets try complicating... Lets consider the intermediate states:
Pure Consciousness(PC), Collective Consciousness(CC), Collective semi or Sub consciousness(CS), Collective Unconsciousness(CU), Deeper collective Unconsciousness.(DU)
Now when you are in PC state u don’t see anything and when you are in DU state you don’t see anything as well.
When you are in CC you are awake to see the physical beings and the world, you perceive CS, CU and DU and that becomes mental body, physical body and rest of the solid matter in this world.
When you are in CS you are half awake and half sleep to see the mental less solid beings, astral and dream beings, you perceive CU and DU
When you are in CU you are fully asleep and you perceive only DU
When you are in DU you are un-manifest so you don’t see anything but its unstable, now we are left with PC, though even in this state you don’t see anything but you are fully manifest(though you can choose to continue seeing other objects that belong to all other states). There is no unstable unconsciousness that bothers you, so you become eternal, imperishable, without any quality. You become one, the only I’ am.

Boredom

My insights when I was watching boredom, passively ...

It was a good time and perfect and nothing wrong or unpleasant about it. I learned to enjoy monotony and boredom. I saw it was too SIMPLE without any exicitement.
When I started watching myself, the exernal situations and people started to fade out. This brought back my energies to me, it sure was integrating me compared to any other situation that pulled out my energies. It centered me and i started accepting and enjoying boredom! It made me complete and at peace.

flashes!

You fool! what is not here, is nowhere!
Pain would last until you merge with the source!
You are held 'together' and 'seperate' only by ur desires!

im stuck, i want freedom

Dam it! I am stuck , with this materialistic stuff... what can i do?
its all to help u to the right path

how long i will mull in all this shit?
till you exhaust ur life force which seem to be limited only by ur limited conception of your mind... simply start with small actions that dont leave even slightest stain on your mind that will connect you to inexhaustible life force

how is that?
any action performed with limited desires(material, emotional, spiritual etc) will be only backed by exhaustible lifeforce, any action performed without any desire will be backed by inexhaustible lifeforce

yaa, I need to meditate and internalize.... to do actions with out desire ...
man desires to create footprints... later he desires to delete his footprints... only to create again!

:-)